He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
