Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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