Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
