I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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