Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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