Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
