And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
