Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
