I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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