i will never coherently bang her
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
