I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
