Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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