this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
