We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
