I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
