I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
