my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
