hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
