You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
