Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
where am i from again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
