I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
