Soap is not a condiment
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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