Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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