But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
