In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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