my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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