She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
