Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
