Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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