i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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