UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
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He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
tell me about the eggs
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