she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
