When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Randomize
