im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
