if i died would you start the facebook group?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
