Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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