is your mom at the bar?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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