I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
