Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
