im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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