I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
