then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We left the knife in your bed.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
