Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
