I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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