nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize