Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We had to coat check the pizza.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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