the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
