i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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