I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
