Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
