I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
