You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
