he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
whose parrot is this?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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