Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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