why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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