I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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