I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
