Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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