Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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