when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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