I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
