Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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