i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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