finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
