dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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