i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
