Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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