Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
