Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
