so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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