i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
