I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
