you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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