We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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