why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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