I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
