Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
