Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
