he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
