mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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