Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
