I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
