hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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